July 28, 2015 § Leave a comment
The light’s leaving my eyes. I’m making steps, I am. I wonder what that entails exactly. I’ve been strange lately. More so than other times har har imagine that. Once I leave this fucking place, I’m running away. I’m not going to keep contact with certain people. I can’t. Right now especially, it hurts too much.
I’ve been trying to clean things out of my computer, my harddrive memories, etc. I’ve been paranoid (or is it just rational worry)? because I know they go through all of my stuff, my room, find all my crazy notebooks and read all my notes and lists and conversations. It cuts me a bit every time though that I start doing this and have to confront myself and what I have become, have been. Facebook friends who’ve deleted me and I usually think I know exactly why.
I wanted to message an ex about if he still had a painting I’d made him. Give it back if you don’t want it…I would hope. Remember that scene in 50/50 where they throw blow torches and knives at her painting. I don’t blame them. I love it actually. I don’t blame him.
I am the burning torch. I can bring you in, I am electric and explosive. Breathe on me and make me grow, I’ll destroy you. I’m only ash and bone by myself. You’ll leave with my smell, my dust that you will shower off with your soaps, maybe just your shampoo that’s fallen across your shoulders and belly. I’m gone. I am the burn.