Sex and Sangria Pt. 2

December 11, 2014 § Leave a comment

Alex Winston does a really fun cover of ‘Waiting around to die’ so I’m listening to that. Most likely taking lyrics too literally, trying to be SO DEEP. But I’m also googling the best vibrators. I would much rather fuck myself rather than deal with another person. I’m done with that. For now. I say those last words because most people will think ‘oh hey youre fucked up right now, one day youll be able to experience human connection” by sex they mean perhaps. Why is sex so essential? I just had to finish a course in the psychology of sexuality and read an article on asexuality. One of the issues raised was the participants just weren’t attracted to others. They felt for them, loved them, but weren’t sexually attracted to them. If you can have sex without love, can’t you have love without sex?.

Anyway, I’m tired. I am late in writing about the issues that have come around recently. My ego was fed when someone in a group I participate in  brought up that I bring up certain issues or certain identifying words before they become public knowledge. eg. Jian Ghomeshi before it got HUGE and I recently referred to myself as alexythmic. I used to get made fun of, in a way, because I used to research obsessively certain issues and I used to pay an inordinate attention to things my friends/peers would say around me? eg. “Maghan, I don’t remember that, I don’t have a tape recorder in my brain.”

I always liked that part of myself…if it worked out in my favour. Until I sat in hospitals with nothing to do except thoughts of why I am the way I am. Why I did the things I did to get me here.

Part of it’s okay though. I’ve had time to think. TOO MUCH FUCKING TIME to think though, but it happened so I’m trying to use it.

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